Haircut

A virus is lurking. A pandemic is raging. My hair is growing, and growing, and growing.

In the big scheme of things, men’s hair is not even on the radar of stuff which needs to be taken care of. Health, money, jobs, school, childcare … There are things which are way more important. Yet one looks in the mirror at least once a day. The more narcicistically inclined among us sneak in a peek more often. I am sure some men even carry a mirror with them, although I have no proof positive for that. We don’t carry along handbags large and small into which one can stuff a small mirror. Why we don’t, I can’t quite figure out. I guess one reason might be that a woman’s handbag does not easily fit into the back pocket of a man’s pants. Or shorts, which is what a lot of us are wearing most of the time these days. Whatever.

Be that as it may, one tends to look at the mirror. And the image staring back at us is not pretty. Now I realize that men are not supposed to be pretty. Handsome, maybe. For many of us, even that would be a stretch. But pretty, no. However, barbers are mostly not working these days. I guess in some states, they might be open. But it takes a brave man to go to one. And don’t get started on salons. Men don’t go to salons. We go visit a barber. Who fills us in on the local gossip. In addition to cutting our hair. Not styling our hair, mind you. Cutting it. A haircut. That’s what we men get. When there is no virus on the prowl.

So with the virus very much on the hunt, the hair is a-growing. And becoming shabby. And curling. And the picture in the mirror is getting more and more unruly by the day.

This presents the average man choices which he had not had to consider in the past. Let the hair keep growing? For some people, that is not a problem. In the good old days, hippies and their long hair did not raise too many eyebrows. But hippies did not have to show up for work on a daily schedule. An office where one interacted with important clients. Who might not be amused by alleged professionals with unruly hair serving them.

Now it is a different ballgame. Even before the virus ran amok, people and workplaces had become more casual. More laid back. By the way, that is an interesting term. Laid back. Not leaning back. Not lying down. But laid-back. As in not uptight. Again, an interesting term. Uptight. As opposed to what? Downtight? Uploose? Downloose? I don’t know. Language can be funny. Which makes it great. As long as people know what you are saying. Or pretend to know what you are saying. So that they don’t appear uneducated.

So we had graduated to the casual look. Casual Fridays. Business casual. Which is an oxymoron. As in dumb intellectual. Or seriously frivolous. Anyways. Even before the virus hit, we had let our hair down. Even the men. Now that’s another strange phrase. Let your hair down. Folks, all my life, my hair has been down. I don’t even know if I could put my hair up even if someone held a gun to my head. Or, for that matter, held a gun to my belly.

The only folks who can put their hair up or down, with stunning effect either way, are the ones who have two X chromosomes. And asking them to do so, either way, might land you in deep trouble. So go with the flow.

By the way, how did we ever end up here? I was determined to talk about haircuts. But as they say, the best laid plans of mice and men …

Sooner or later, unfortunately, one has to return to the promised land. Or at least the promised topic. If nothing else, one has to give it the old college try. Otherwise, readers will lose faith. Will that make any difference? It might, or it might not. But one cannot be guided by what might or might not happen. The future, they say, is unpredictable. All on can do is make an honest attempt to do the right thing. Which in the current situation means trying again to talk about haircuts.

Why do men have to have haircuts? Nobody hassles women about haircuts. A lady can let her hair grow longer and longer, and no eyebrows are raised. We had a girl in my medical school class who had hair which she fashioned into a ponytail. And this nearly reached her ankles. What did people say in response “Oh, how lovely! Doesn’t she have the most beautiful hair?”

If a man tried this, he would soon be out of a job. Unless he worked in the entertainment industry. But any serious, professional job? Better get a haircut, dude!

By the way, if a woman keeps her hair short, again society does not complain. “What a pretty bob cut! Isn’t she looking just gorgeous?” Log hair, short hair, no problem. Where hair is concerned, women rule. So much so that there are 7 types of bob cuts. You can have the short bob cut with bangs, the short-layered bob cut, or the classic short bob cut. If short doesn’t cut it (!) for you, there is the medium length bob cut. Then there is the lob, a long bob hairstyle. Still not satisfied? Well, you can have your choice of the soft wavy bob hairstyles, the A-line bob cut, the angled bob cut, or the inverted bob cut.