Males heavy on the red, light on the turquoise
In the good old days, the world was a simpler place. We used telephones to actually call people, and doctors listened to you when you went to their offices, instead of staring at a laptop screen and typing away furiously.
Anyway, back then you had to take a test for color vision before you could be admitted to medical school. I don’t know if they still do that. If they do, I doubt that I would be able to pass it.
Those tests of yore were designed by men, good, strong men, who only cared whether you could tell red from blue. If you couldn’t, you would struggle as a doctor. Arterial blood is red. Venous blood is kind-of blue. If arterial blood turns blue, you better holler for help.
I could tell red from blue. I still can. Over the years, I have learned to tell black from white. And if you play golf, you have to learn to recognize green and yellow, your basic golf pant colors. Beyond that, no self-respecting man needs to go.
But God, in His infinite wisdom, created more colors. And, possessing a sense of humor, He decided to share the full list with only the female of the species.
“Wow, don’t you just love those pants! Turquoise with just a hint of teal. My old ones are manganese blue, which doesn’t go with my aquamarine handbag.” Could you imagine a 6’5” good old boy in jeans saying this to his buddy in his pickup truck?
No, this is the female of the species talking, in a language which evokes a “Huh?” from most guys.
Color blindness is a common medical condition. It is usually sex-linked, or more specifically, X-linked. The retina has rods and cones, and the cones are responsible for color perception. There are only three kinds of cones: the ones which perceive red, blue, or green light. The relevant genes are carried on the X-chromosome. Absence of any type of cone will result in a loss of ability to detect that color.
But there isn’t a cone for turquoise. What gives?
I believe God must have thought long and hard before finalizing His design for men. We males are a rather simple lot. We are genetically programmed to run like crazy if a tiger is chasing us, to shoot at random using rather large weapons, hoping to bring home some dinner, and then, on returning home, to curl up on the couch and watch TV, only intermittently jumping up to yell at the screen, “You moron, why didn’t you pass the ball?”
God probably did not want to risk upsetting this delicate equilibrium in the male brain by cluttering it with too much detail. So he gave men only one X chromosome, pre-loaded with just the bare essentials.
The second X chromosome is where the action is, so to speak. And only women are blessed with this. This second X chromosome probably carries the full palette of colors.
VIBGYOR is the mnemonic we learned in school to remember the colors of the rainbow: violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red. Pardon me for asking, but what on earth is indigo? They say that Isaac Newton first introduced indigo as a rainbow color. I actually think it must have been his wife who twisted his arm and inflicted indigo upon mankind.
I looked it up. Indigo is a deep and bright color, close to blue, and also close to some variants of ultramarine. Remind me to ask my wife what on earth is ultramarine, and why it needs variants.
I could also run it by my friends. “Hey there! Can you help me out? There is this mean looking sports car which I love, but I can’t decide whether to get it in indigo or a variant of ultramarine.” I believe the ladies will start an earnest discussion, while the men will say, “Go with flaming red, buddy!”
It was simpler in the good old days. They say that Henry Ford used to boast that his customers could come to his showrooms and buy a car in any color they liked. As long as it was black.